So much...

"His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5

We are a happy family of 6!!!!!! God totally knows what He is doing. If we had come home happy and adjusted, if we had slept from the beginning, if Zeke had not screamed for 4 weeks, I don't think that Ryan and I would feel the depths of love that we feel for our boys. I am not sure that we would see how truly miraculous adoption is if we hadn't struggled.

Getting real...

So I have been forthcoming with the reality of transition and adjusting in adoption. The truth is, although when I met Etienne and Zeke I KNEW they were mine, the instant bond and unconditional love wasn't entirely there and what I felt wasn't what I thought I'd feel. I was trying to force feelings that can't be forced. This has been a source of confusion and constant prayer. And something people just don't talk about.
Yesterday, in the middle of the mall playground, I fell in love, head over heels, unconditional, move the earth kind of love. With Zeke and E. I was watching Blake chase Zeke and Etienne, all 3 of them laughing and I couldn't get over how beautiful and perfect they each were; totally a rose colored glasses, mommy view! I was taking pictures, crying and laughing and realizing that it finally happened. I love all my children with the same, constant, unconditional love. Ryan and I always tell our kids that only God loves them more than we do. All four.

"Mommy, can I have the moon?"

This would be the question Etienne asked us tonight in the car. Lots of giggles from his family and Zeke just laughed cause the gang was. Happy sounds. More updating tomorrow with pics.

"Mommy, can I have the moon?"

Rwanda Photos

Hard to choose pics to load onto the blog. The blue gate above is the entrance to the orphanage. Courtney, Heidi and I were given wraps to wear our babies- I confess that I am horrible at getting Zeke in, otherwise I'd opt to wear him to Hy-Vee every time, as it is very comfortable!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Etienne and Ezkiel make strides everyday, and sometimes I need to take a step back and look at the Big Picture. Just cause our nights are rough and we have lots of temper tantrums and daily battles, I tend to forget. My little guys are smiling, tolerate long sleves, eat everything, repeat words back, know their family members, wear shoes, identify McDonalds (to mama's dismay); they are an AMAZING gift from God. I deliver babies for a living, I am blessed to witness the miracle of birth but I think it is only a shadow of the beauty and awe and grace that goes into Adoption. We are humbled by our Creator's plan for our family.

A year ago we were taking adoptive parenting classes and I remember practicing my responses to inappropriate questions for in the grocery store line. Well we have officially lived those moments now. More than questions, I am bothered by the staring. I hope they stare because they are amazed that the boys are finally here, but many times I feel like they are a novelty to others. People we know, when meeting E and Z, stare and make comments like, "Look, he's eating popcorn!" Duh. He's a kid. This has been harder for me than I thought. I am also frequently asked if they are brothers, and I know it isn't meant as offensive, but as an adoptive family, Ryan and I both find this question stupid. Yes, all three of my sons are brothers.

I love dinner time, when Etienne and Blake sit on the bench together. They jabber, in English and in French, giggle and smile at each other. Rancher is on standby for clean up duty. I look at them and everything is right.

I think he likes me!

I came home from work yesterday, and Zeke came up to me, said "hi," AND smiled!!! It was the first time since we met that I thought he may like me. Going back to work a little bit has been good for the boys and especially for me.
Reader discretion advised: the following story contains graphic, gross parenting details.
So last night Ryan and I ventured to a "Kids Eat Free" night just the six of us (we have a spread sheet of kids eat free restaurants). We arrived back home a little late and Etienne really had to go, so we hurried to the bathroom by the laundry room; while there, stripped for bathtime. I also took Zeke's clothes off, leaving the diaper. Then on the way upstairs to the tub, the diaper FELL OFF. While he was pooing. Right at that moment of pooing, my hubby was convienently taking the recycling bin out. Pulling the diaper back on was a lost cause, so I lifted Zeke by his feet as he continued to poo. I flipped him upside down to keep the poo from going on the carpet. At that moment Ranger (our helpful doggy) began eating the poo. Blake and Etienne found that to be hilariously funny, even falling back down the stairs from laughter. I carried Zeke upside down to the bathroom and by the time he was in the tub, the poo was gone. Can dogs get giardia?